What hurts the most in life? Trying to make everybody happy. I think this is one of the ultimate life lessons. I remember having a specific unease when someone close to me wasn’t happy for some reason. Things got even more dramatic when I knew I was the cause in one way or another. Time taught me that this perspective wasn’t exactly the healthier approach to life. It is more than normal to care for the wellbeing of your loved ones, to stand by them in need or to try to have a zen relationship with them at all times. But oh boy, this is one of the hardest things to achieve. Detachment is hard enough when you are not directly involved, but when there are emotional ties, becoming the observer takes a lot of mindfulness, awareness, compassion and most importantly, a loooooot of restraint.
But hey, we are all humans, and sometimes, no matter how hard we try to be in the now, not take things personally, be the light in the room, we just snap! And there goes the zen…Perfect setting for the ego to jump in and lecture you about all the crazy scenarios that it came up with as consequences of your own miss behaviour. Where do we draw the line between being there for our peers and setting boundaries when they do not get the compassionate, loving version of “please back off, you are waaaay in my personal space!”?
I tried the firmly, bluntly, and not very well welcomed version of “please, mind your own business!” More like… it just came out of me rather unexpectedly and by the time I realized all that happened it was too late. Not necessarily for me, rather for the other person involved. Trying to make sense of this experience as an experiment on my mindfulness is definitely one way to deal with it. When those around don’t resonate with the new you and you cannot simply ignore them and move on like nothing happened…what’s the answer?
Not ignore them, obviously, but let whatever happened in the past, and become an observer of how the things unfold. There is always a lesson hidden in these situations. Non-reactivity is an art I am on my way of mastering. More mediation are the doctor’s orders :)). More acceptance of people for who they are I think will also work like a charm.
What we all need to understand in the end is that each of us are on our own path and each of us are challenged every day emotionally, professionally, socially. Some of us made a conscious decision to wake up from this roller coaster guided by the ego and the mind. It’s not a one day endeavour. Takes so much discipline and practice and requires all of you. Once you manage to expand your consciousness even a bit, there is no going back. Then you become aware that the only answer for these situations is forgiveness. First of all we have to forgive ourselves and stop assuming that people who wrong us in any way it’s defining their character, it’s not personal. Most of the time they have an excuse for their behaviour that reveal deep personal struggles in day to day life. So let forgiveness come from us first in all situations. Then send love. There is no such thing that too much love. There is always room for more.
Here is a beautiful meditation to send love and peace to the entire world. Sit in easy pose or any comfortable position of your choosing. Place your arms against your ribs, forearms in horizontal position, palms facing upwards. Start by taking long deep breaths. Breath in through the nose, exhale through your mouth. You can try the 5-5-5 technique as I call it. 5 seconds breathing in, 5 seconds holding, 5 seconds breathing out. Keep this cycle of breath for as long as you feel comfortable with it or until the end of the meditation.Thank you gabbyb.tv for your teachings.
May this be of service to you all!